There is a TikTok trend that has been going around a while now that goes something like, “Their childhood but it’s also your motherhood” or “it’s their childhood but it’s your first time in your 30’s”.
I can get on board with this trend to an extent because we are all going through life for the first time, this is your adulthood, this is their childhood, and truthfully none of us have it all figured out. I’m all about extending Grace and growing through these seasons of life together. My mixed feelings over this trend is mainly because I have a very analytical brain and I can over think with the best so obviously this trend has got me to thinking.
What is my purpose?
If you’ve followed me long you know I’ve always struggled with my purpose. Whether it be bigger decisions like a career path or all the way down to smaller details of life in general. What is my purpose? What is my identity? For so long I thought if I could just find the right job, the right degree, the right career path everything would fall into place. After getting married I thought starting a family would be the answer to my prayers and becoming a mom would be the answer to my purpose.
The Pressure To Do It All
To my surprise becoming a mother was not something that came easily to me and definitely did not come fast enough. After 5 years of infertility I finally became a mother. I always wanted to be a mother and through our struggles with infertility we knew our time was precious and our goal was for me to stay at home to raise our children. Our twins are now 10 years old and my time at home with them has been a dream come true but I wouldn’t be truthful if I didn’t acknowledge it has also been a challenge. If I’m being honest, I probably had undiagnosed postpartum. The mom guilt set in quick after they were born and never really let up. I would continually think of things I should’ve done different or things could do more of. I let motherhood become my identity. I did not let people help me or give me a break. If I did I was failing (you get the picture). I wanted so badly to give them the best life. In trying to be everything for them I found myself continually burnt out and feeling unable to give them the best version of myself.
Finding My Purpose
My first time as a 30 year old. I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a daughter. I love to care for others. I have a gift for writing, organizing, and even finance.
But what do I do with that? Who am I? What is my Purpose? My identity?
The Truth About Purpose
It has taken me a long time to fully understand, not one but all of these things make up who I am as a person. BUT.. my Identity can only be found in Christ. Who I am is found in Him. How do I know this? It aligns with His word.
I am guilty of letting my flesh get in the way and clouding the way I see this, but when I am in His word daily I see more clearly His will for my life. When I surrender to Christ everything else falls into place. This is not to be mistaken as my life is perfect now, but I hope you can see the freedom in surrendering to our purpose in Christ. Surrender from the imaginary checklist that we create in our minds for us to live up to. We can find rest and freedom knowing our Identity is in Christ and our purpose is to bring Him glory.
Lord, remind me that I was created by You – not for perfection, not performance, but for your will.
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